PATTERSON’S POLITICAL GENIUS FINDS PROBLEM

Henry Patterson’s re-election team was so excited about citizens tipping law enforcement about two of the largest marijuana fields ever discovered in Liberty County that they forgot to account for the lack of arrests. The Outsiders via Eddie “the Chatterbox” Shauberger figured if Sheriff Patterson ordered his men to surround the field and keep anyone from harvesting the pot in the night following the tip would guarantee his re-election. But the voters in Liberty County are not impressed with citizen tips ending with like this one did – arresting the pot, but the growers going free!

An analysis of their political strategy has turned up the problem. What was discovered was rather amazing in this day and time. Eddie Shauberger, aka “Detective Eddie” to the Patterson team, was asked to rise up out of his political throne so they could examine what the problem may be. When Shauberger raised the mystery to the whole “arresting the pot” strategy was found stuck in the most embarrassing of places!

Republican Primary candidates pose after day one sign up.

Front: Wesley N. Hinch – County Attorney (I), A.W. Bowdin for Constable Pct 1, Karen McNair for District Attorney, Chance Ward for Commissioner Pct 3, Robby Thornton for Constable Pct 4

Middle: Danny Frankum – Constable Pct 3 (I), Henry Patterson – Sheriff (I), Eddie Lowry for Commissioner Pct 3, Tommy Koen for Constable Pct 3, L.W. Despain – Constable Pct 5 (I)

Top: Robert ‘Bobby’ Rader for Sheriff, John Otto – State Representative (I), Ricky Brown forTax Assessor, Tim Allision – Constable Pct 1 (I), Ken Coleman for County Chair

(I) - Incumbent

WINNING WITH TIGER BLOOD, SHAUBERGER’S ANGER TOWARD US ALL

When media analysts talk about the most memorable moments of 2011, without a doubt the open hostility and contempt and air of superiority actor Charlie Sheen displayed in his public meltdown will be the subject of many of the conversations.

In the last few months a handful of us have seen a similar burst of bizarreness from Eddie Shauberger. He seems to be coming out of the closet and allowing his friends to see the extent of his anger toward those inferior and less righteous than him. And the superiority Shauberger claims these days must emanate from something unseen – maybe Sheen is not the only one with “tiger blood” running through his veins.

Whatever the similarities of his meltdown to the famous actor, Shauberger has expanded his hatred and his caustic rhetoric and his erratic attacks to people who have invested a great deal of time and energy in his life. A drastic departure from the bitterness we have seen from him through the years of personal struggles.

As the most prolific purveyor of what he peddles as “local knowledge”, no doubt Shauberger has always promoted his hatred for local media personalities like Allen Youngblood, Bill Buchanan, and Vanessa Brashier. Even though many people have a healthy distrust of media, Shauberger’s political losses left him with an arsenal of name-calling pejoratives for these people of a nature and number never before heard.

With similarities toward Charlie sheen’s “winning” attitude, Shauberger refused to accept any criticism of his own after losing and launched his own mostly inward barrage of extreme criticism for those who were successful at the same time he was not. He not only pushed to exterminate Democrats, he insisted on attacking people in the Hardin community that gained positions of influence while he was rejected.

Rather than bask in the glow of what many would think was a team or party victory, Shauberger’s view of “winning” was much different. He unleashed verbal tirades on successful Republicans like State Representative John Otto, County Clerk Paulette Williams, and District Clerk Donna Brown. Claiming Otto was not conservative enough and that Otto had won only because of work Shauberger had done in previous campaigns for State Rep, he talks about Otto like he is the worst human being on earth.

Rather than simply see himself as an inspiration or a trailblazer for two people he use to go to church with, Paulette Williams and Donna Brown, he calls them some of the ugliest and most vile names, including but not limited to the word “whore”, in some kind of twisted idea of moral superiority he has concerning them that when challenged he just ups the nastiness in his choice of words.

But lately in an inexplicable display of meltdown proportions, Shauberger has aimed his sharp tongue and his twisted mind towards some of the very people who have remained his friends despite the high costs and despite the spiraling down of his reaction toward his own problems. Like Charlie Sheen, Shauberger has shunned the voices of reason and those who have done nothing but continually extend the hand of friendship towards him. Like Sheen, he has gone off into some bizarre scorched earth, “if I can’t have my way, I will destroy you all” campaign. Like Sheen, he has embraced things he himself would have disapproved of just a few years ago. Just as there is no doubt that what Sheen insisted on embracing (cocaine, etc.), Shauberger has chosen a path of destruction that will not only continue to harm himself, but it will hurt all he claimed to value when he first offered himself as someone who could help this community.

Winning? No, Mr. Sheen, attacking all of those who stood with you and hoped your anger would reside and you would not lose yourself, is not winning. It is just sad. Maybe your family somehow will stand with you Mr. Shauberger, but even as you shroud yourself in religion, even the people of faith will be forced to see embracing you is not only harming any chance of you correcting your course, it will harm those who sit within the shadow of the dark world you have chosen. No tiger blood, just tiger claws.

NEW: FALSE REPORTS ABOUT FALSE REPORTS?

As Outsiders I am sure everyone in Liberty County expects us to weigh in and defend Sheriff Henry Patterson on multiple allegations that press releases from his office are sometimes exaggerations and sometimes just plain lies.

We have been extremely slow to respond to these allegations because we were not sure which press release to defend and we need to appear like we are not connected to Sheriff. That is alos why we sat several seats apart in the last Tea Party meeting – it is called covert CIA type of spy work. And we are experts.

So we will defend the Sheriff’s press releases but you have to understand WE HAVE NO RELATIONSHIP. If any documents or expenses from the slush fund created by confiscations and seizures ever are wrestled from the Sheriff’s hands, our names will not be listed because we knew not to list our names. We call this covert CIA spy work too.

Now to defend the Sheriff: “Allen Youngblood, PIA’s, Liberty Dispatch, PIA’s, drug arrests – all bad stuff. All stuff the Sheriff us against. Everyone should vote for a Sheriff who is against the things we are against. The judges are bad. It is all too much to keep up with unless you are an Outsider. We keep up with it. We have our research guys headed by Eddie “Blackjack” Shauberger and we have our legal eagle guys headed by Dr. Fuddy and the former internet law school (closed due to us trying to remodel the laws about who can run a law school).

So again we have presented “evidence”. We have proven beyond doubts and shadows casts by questions we choose not to answer. Not like the nonsense Allen Youngblood wrote asking for evidence of all 14 meth busts. Imagine us having to run all of that down just to prove the Sheriff is not making stuff up. We showed that pot plants were arrested – and if actual pot growers had been chained to the gate at the time a private citizen led us to the crop we would have shown that evidence too.

In conclusion, we are the Outsiders. We are working hard to free Liberty County from having to think about who to elect or who are the good guys and who are the bad guys. We have no other agenda. We are as pure and innocent and community-minded as Robert Valdez of Fresno and Eddie Shauberger, formerly of Hardin, and Clifford Fuddy Williams (from an undisclosed location).

In closing further, remember Bobby Rader bad, Henry “the Man” Patterson good. Any reports that our reports are false are false reports. In the words of Eddie Shauberger (paraphrased), “We have to study the truth and we have to know the truth. Nobody cares as much as we do and therefore they must rely on us for the truth. And that is the truth.”

Deer Outsiders News

Deer Liberty Dispatch, I think I see Robert Valdez in the background of this photo.

You fellers is summa da smartest lil fellers I ever node. I wanna thank ye for helping me understand dat der word “honorable”. I wuz taught by Momma the other day dat the word wuz for folks dat was elected or former elected folks, but you straightened me out on dat. If you didn’t I wood still be stupid on it cuz the internet says the same think Momma does. She says dat if a man has served three terms as an elected official, it don’t have nuthin to do with serving in the army. Thanks for helping me. Dat internet can be stupid.

Speakin of stupid, you guys probably know real good wat dat word means, but let me make sure I do. Here is wat day says at da google place:

1.
lacking ordinary quickness and keenness of mind; dull.
2.
characterized by or proceeding from mental dullness; foolish; senseless: a stupid question.
3.
tediously dull, especially due to lack of meaning or sense; inane; pointless: a stupid party.
4.
annoying or irritating; troublesome: Turn off that stupid radio.
5.
in a state of stupor; stupefied: stupid from fatigue

Cuz of da way you helped me on the word honorable, I node you could help me on the word stupid. Thanx a head in time!

You ole budd from school,
Jeff Walker

PS MY Momma says hellp to your Momma Valdez

Local Teacher & LD Contributor Richard Pegues, Harassed By Pervert Lawyer Over Shauberger Trial

Three time Liberty County Republican Chairman Richard Pegues in Juneau, Alaska with Alaska Governor Parnell at a Republican function.

Liberty Dispatch (LD) is a well-known locally oriented website. It has been around for years and years and has a reputation for asking all kinds of questions to try and help the public end corruption and for withstanding all kinds of personal attacks. One of the thickest skinned people in the county and a contributor to LD is former three time Republican County Chairmen Richard Pegues, arguably in many ways the Father of the Republican Party here in Liberty County.

Because of his fifteen year association with Eddie Shauberger, a Houston lawyer named Fason sent him questions supposedly having to do with Shauberger’s business dealings. Though Pegues has always made sure not to get involved in Shauberger’s business ventures and could have easily refused to answer the questions, he answered the interrogatories anyway - perhaps in hopes that he would not have to waste an afternoon sitting in a room across from Fason who is a convicted sexual predator.

No questions were asked about Shauberger’s business, but questions were asked about Pegues’ relationship to a website that ceased to exist several years ago. Pegues had no attorney and would have been more than happy to explain why he answered he had no relationship to the website, but that would be an opportunity he thought he would have if the sexually perverted lawyer would have held a deposition. Pegues had no more of a relationship to the website than he had to The Chronicle or The Vindicator. He would have answered he had no relationship to them too.

But we outsiders fixed Pegues. We knew we must discredit him and Ray Akins and Liberty Dispatch or they will tell our trade secrets. So we just up and declared him a liar. A liar under oath. We are more like lawyer wannabes and had a hard time keeping straight the difference in the word interrogatory and deposition, but what the heck. If we had a judge that was one of ours, maybe we could really ignore Pegues good faith efforts and his volunteerism and make him look like a liar. But as it stands we have no hope of anyone but us saying he is a liar. But even if it is just us saying it… that means that is what people will hear and may believe. We just know it. We are the Outsiders and we are here to help. People know they should listen to us.n say more bad things about Pegues if people will just be patient enough so we have time to make it up. We may speed our response time up by writing letters to the editor and making up more stuff.

People need to believe us so we can take over this county for them.

And if they do we will get FOUR MORE YEARS OF PATTERSON AS SHERIFF.

OUR STAFF

Fuddy, Valdez and Eddie.

There have been at least four or five people that are not law enforcement and that are not considering litigation against one of us that wants to know about our staff. So we are going to start coming out and being more accountable and open with all of our supporters.

First, readers must know we have a wide range of characters on our staff. We have a beyond middle age man who spends half of his time helping his dear sweet mother and half of his time fighting crime around the world at the same time he is a full time lawn mower repair man.

On the other extreme, we have a renaissance man. He has it all. He has to. He has had two bankruptcies, two accusations leveled at him for child molestation, current legal problems because of perjury and tampering with government documents allegations, and other stuff. I mean the guy is a one man wrecking ball. Tough as nails. He will do anything for the cause. He is one of the best black jack players ever to come out of Island while at the same time he preaches at the local Baptist church. He can curse like a sailor, but can also baptize babies. He was such a big crime fighter when he fled those who were persecuting him that when he arrived in Oak Island he had only two friends that publicly vouched for him …..but I tell you this guy is one tough cookie. He sniffs out criminals like a hound dog. Within a couple or three years he was fighting to purge the crime from those friends. In fact, that is how he became one of us.

We could go on and on, but we don’t want to get into names just yet. If the phone wasn’t ringing we would tell you about “Curly” but that is too much for now. Just trust us we have names. We will wait to tell you where we work too. Just know it is not around here. It will all come out. When Henry Patterson is re-elected it will start to become very obvious who we are.

IN PLACE OF SMOKING GUNS

All of us here at Outsider headquarters feel it is necessary to come clean and make an admission that we have made a mistake. It is just one little mistake and as part of our own perfection we will with humility correct it now.

You see we thought a “smoking gun” was an actual gun that smoked (tobacco). And in this day and time when smoking is so limited we figured the odds of ever finding one was near zero. So being the intellectuals and spiritual giants that we are we had to decide what we could present to Liberty County in place of a gun smoking.

We are delighted to tell you we have discovered by using our special and unique sixth and seventh sense (by the way, Liberty County should be so eternally grateful to us for sharing our talents) that when we don’t know something we can find a possible answer on google. And just like spell check, we are on top of everything now. Our crack research team is always ahead of the curb, I mean curve.

You see we now know the term "smoking gun" is a reference to an object or fact that serves as conclusive evidence of a crime. Because that is hard work, we have come up with some real fine substitutes. Substitutes that will put the future Liberty County judges we will select and the continued flow of outside officers we are importing on the map.

As you know we will dig up old cases like the one we love to call the “Joe Warren case” and we will get out the county checkbook and run the D.A.’s office down until the grand jury shuts us down. What we really love is we will laugh our rear ends off because Joe Warren’s name will keep coming up because we call it the “Joe Warren” case. Get it.

Or one our other favorites is blackmailing, intimidating, or just plain dogging the mess out of anyone who messes with the sheriff (or us). We can have some of our people right and sign affidavits and make people wish they had never been born if they mess with us. It is rough stuff but if there continues to be people that want to claim the mantel of watchdog, we will show them who the big dogs are. We will go after their family, their job, or even their garden, but we will have our way. We are here to help Liberty County and we will stop at nothing to do it. We will get our family to harass their family and when they complain we will say they are attacking our sweet wives and kiddos.

We are also here to show Liberty County who to vote for. Naturally, they should vote for us. We are here to help and we are not tainted by any prejudice we learned by living here. Anyone that is not “us” will get the treatment. That will include doing things we don’t want to say now, to people we don’t want to name until later. But rest assured, it will all be done on behalf of the good people of Liberty County who obviously could not handle this without us.

So what that smoking guns are not what we thought they were. We have other stuff. We might even start “Letters to the Editor” so we can tell you who else is bad and who our people are so you will vote for them. Stay tuned and read them, we are looking forward to it. And as always, we are looking forward to FOUR MORE YEARS OF HENRY PATTERSON.

OUTSIDERS WANT TEACHERS JAILED

We are geniuses and Liberty County has us at their service as we continue to OCCUPY LIBERTY. We know who the bad people are and we will find ways to get them fired from their work. Here is a short update:

1) The Outsiders have worked up a plan to begin accusing school employees of using their school e-mail address to send a non-school related e-mail to their friends. If they have sent even one in the last seven years we will suggest that is a violation of what we think the rules should be. Even though the schools stipulate a certain percentage of personal usage is okay, we disagree. And when the Outsiders disagree – well, let’s just say heads will roll. “Haul them teachers to jail Henry Patterson. Remember all them grades and other things they did to you and show no mercy. The Outsiders are here.”

2) Our staff is made of geniuses. As we told you before, our research team has now discovered something called “google” and us work long and hard now on definitions and history and you know smart stuff. We also found a button to check spelling and will cut anyone’s throat who misspells a word. Now that we have that down we are gonna start studying on the idea that when you find a large marijuana field you can not only arrest the marijuana plants, you may even somehow set up some way of catching the growers.”

3) We have a man on our staff that has a long history of problems and therefore he is well acquainted with local lawyers. This man has another brilliant Outsider idea: Take local gossip and stuff he has learned from local lawyers and start taking any teachers that don’t go to jail for e-mail violations down on FERPA violations. Place bold headlines on the internet with a teacher’s name and the words CHILD PRIVACY LAWS. Even though as is always the case with us that we have no smoking gun, we sure can get a good Outsider chuckle thinking about those poor teachers’ kids and pets were starving to death. “Cuff ‘em Sheriff Patterson, teachers are bad people.”

4) We always start with “investigating” whoever will try and stop us. When you are trying to save a community like Liberty County there is always a few. The flavor of the day (that is tough talk we learned by watching a cop show on tv) is Richard Pegues. If people want to know why his name keeps popping up, they know now. He will not shut up about our secret strategizing to save the world starting right here in Liberty. Plus Eddie Shauberger aka chatterbox says he believes Pegues and Ray Akins finally put two and two together on one of his patented Shauberger deals and they need to shut up – for the sake of the cause. Cause we said so. And we are the Outsiders. Here to help.

5) Sign a letter to the editor from a guy named…..hmmm… say Jeff Walker that sounds like a common enough name. Have this letter say they have known a teacher all their lives and say that teacher has always been a liar and everybody knows it. Brilliant! We are brilliant!! Never mind that all the teacher has to do is point out no Jeff Walker went to school in any year near my class. They won’t think of that. Teachers are not smart like Outsiders. Never mind that most teachers, even with all of their imperfections, have never been viewed as liars. We can make this work. If not, we can sure post the teacher’s picture with the story and let people see how ugly teachers are.

The Outsiders will OCCUPY LIBERTY and with your continued support occupy Henry Patterson’s head.